Comedy Central’s Indecision 2008 Addictionary: johndescending

By widro

Today’s Top Choice in the “There Outta Be A Word Contest”

johndescending –

(noun) Someone who repeats the phrase “my friends” ad nauseum during debates in an attempt to buddy up to the American people.

…read full article…

The Yeti Rants: Wall Street, Congress and Bailouts.. OH MY

By Jeff Hopkins

“All the perplexities, confusion and distresses in America arise not from defects in the constitution or confederation, nor from want of honor or virtue, as much from downright ignorance of the nature of coin, credit, and circulation. “– John Adams

Well, with all the bad news about the credit crisis in the news, today our government has finally offered us a solution for something. Now all we have to do is find a way to harness the spinning of the corpses of our founding fathers as an energy source and we have our solution to clean energy problem.

Well, they went and did it. Our brilliant leaders have bailed out the greedy banks by giving them 700 billion dollars of our money. Good to know that the only way the bill got passed was by including bribes to congressmen for their votes in the way of pork, mental health insurance and tax cuts. Truly our government has finally lost its mind and placed the final nail in the coffin of the idea that this country is a free market run on capitalism. Let’s welcome the socialist era with open arms.

I’ll admit that I’m going off a bit half cocked right now as I haven’t read anything but summaries of the bill. I do find it interesting however that what started as a four page bill from the desk of the president has been bloated to a 450 page bill full of congressional incentives, regulations and stipulations. My, do our lawyers love their loop holes. However, this bill, at its fundamental core violates all that our country was built on and should stand for.

Capitalism is about making decisions. The bottom line is these greedy bankers made bad decisions that lead to their companies being put into dire straights and financial trouble. The people that made decisions for these banks knowingly invested money in what amounts to paper, then sold these shaky investments to other people, who willingly bought them. Why? Because the government backed them. Then, when the housing markets started to crash, as all markets naturally do, these people all started losing money. Who’s left holding the bill for these bad decisions? We are.

This is not what is meant by “We the People”. There are a lot of questions that should be asked. If the Bush administration and the republicans knew that this was going on, why didn’t they warn investors? Why did the Democrat controlled congress not vote for controls on these investments to stem the pending financial crisis that we are now in? Why did government agencies like the SEC, that are set up to prevent and monitor this sort of thing, not call these people to task for what they were doing? I think however the biggest question is we should be asking is, why are we, as tax payers, the ones responsible for bailing these people out and pretty much giving them a get out of jail free card while they walk off with the big pile of money in the middle of the board because they landed on free parking?

Are there provisions in this bill to remove the CEO’s that made these decisions? Are there provisions in the bill to prevent these same CEO’s from getting their bonuses from the money their company will be making once we bail them out with our hard earned money? I haven’t heard of anything sweeping that will stick.

The other truly disturbing thing is that the Republican party, the party of less government and laissez-faire have permitted something like this to be voted through on their watch, and worse, championed it! Are you kidding me? Why aren’t these men out there shaking their fingers at these collapsing banks going, “well, that’s what happens when you make bad business decisions.”

I realize that they have scared all of us with tales of economic woe that will ensue should this bill not have passed. They point to the 777 point drop of the Dow on the day the bill was first voted down, without of course pointing to the rebound of close to 500 points the following day. “It was the largest drop of the dow ever” they cry, without saying that percentage wise it wasn’t even close to what happened in 1987. Again, I hate to sound like the raving conspiracy theorist, but is this the excuse they wanted to get their hands on the free market? Well, they’ve done it.

No, I’m not blind to the problems that not bailing these companies out would cause. Yes, they are some of the largest banks in the country and things could have become much worse than they are. I also understand that some good is coming out of this bill, namely the increase of the FDIC insurance limit from $100,000 to $250,000. However, there are no guarantees that this bill will make things better. All it does is put our money on the line at a time when I think it might be better spent elsewhere.

This bailout is the first step on to a very dangerous and slippery slope that I don’t think our government is to worried about sliding down. Our government has truly lost their focus as what their purpose should be, and it’s time that we the people start calling these men and women to task and get them out of the decision making process by replacing them with people who are going to keep the people and the constitution in the front of their minds.

Hodgepodgeatorium - Undecided

By mathan erhardt

So I decided to dust off the old column, it being an election year and all. And I’ve got to say that I’m kinda sorta paying attention now. I pretty much avoided all of the primary stuff because really, who cares about that stuff? Now my eyes are open and I’m an undecided waiting to be swayed. …read full article…

Dustinland - The Same Story

By Dustin Glick

This week’s Dustinland isn’t about a story that’s repeated over and over again (although it is). It’s about a story about how people like to vote for whatever is the same. The same sex, race, religion, whatever. Forget the issues. Forget where they stand on the economy, foreign policy, blah blah blah. All that matters is if they’re just like me in the most shallow ways possible. Heck, I don’t care if they know how to run the government, as long as they seem like they’d be fun to have a beer with, that’s good enough for me.

To prove my point, remember how they were saying 100 million people would watch the debate last week? Only 50 million tuned in. What about the rest of America? Too busy watching UFC?

.:: Dustinland 09.29.08 ::.

Dustinland - American Beer

By Dustin Glick

This week’s Dustinland is almost a metaphor for what’s going on in the US right now with our economic crisis and all. Our economy was supposedly doing great for years - but now we see that it was all fake. A big fat fake bubble full of air and lies. Just like all these big “American” beers that shove super patriotic ads in your face during Sunday football. They’re all owned by foreign companies. It’s a joke, it really is.

PS Sam Adams is the biggest American beer now. Some say Pabst but I think there’s some technicality there that disqualifies it. Plus Pabst is barely a beer. It makes Coors seem like Guiness.

.:: Dustinland 09.22.08 ::.

Dustinland - McCain vs. McCain

By Dustin Glick

This week’s Dustinland needs little explanation on my part. I’m just putting McCain’s own words out there. And when it comes to politics, or any form of debate really, I think letting people’s own words speak against them is the best way of really shutting them down. And I’m certainly not even close to the first person to do this - just do a quick search on Youtube and you’ll find a zillion McCain flip-flop montages.

Now, when John Kerry went back and forth on a few issues in 2004, conservatives skewered him. They even showed up to the RNC wearing flip-flops. Now McCain is proving to be the champion of the flip-flop, so I’m wondering, where are all the Republicans who crucified Kerry for the same thing last time around?

And speaking of McCain quotes, today he went on the record saying the US economy is fundamentally strong - on a day when the Dow dropped 500 points. I wish I had a little more time to work up a comic on that - not McCain’s quote but the sad state of our economy, but Monday nights aren’t what they used to be for me, so you’ll have to settle for this strip that I churned out on Sunday.

.:: Dustinland 09.15.08 ::.

September 11, 2001: Seven Years Later?

By Matthew Michaels

Wow. Hard to believe it’s been seven years since NY, DC and PA were attacked…

Dustinland - The Reality of the 2008 Election

By Dustin Glick

First of all, let me just clarify something in regards to this week’s Dustinland:

I’m not saying ALL of the people who aren’t voting for Obama are racist.

I’m just saying a lot of them are.

You know it and I know it. We all talk about it in the real world, even if nobody talks about it on TV. No matter how much is at stake, no matter what the issues are, many people made up their minds as soon as they saw a black person running for president. Some people will admit it, but most won’t. And those are the people you see on TV, the people who hate Obama, but can’t really say why. You can feel that hatred bubbling to the surface. Look around online on conservative sites like Freerepublic.com and you barely have to read between the lines. After Obama spoke at the DNC, there were plenty of quotes like: “He is an angry black man.” Not just “an angry man.” An “angry BLACK man.” And we all know what that’s really code for.

So here’s the question: How much of a role will racism play in the election? There’s really no way we’ll ever know for sure. Let’s just hope it’s less than some of us fear.

.:: Dustinland 09.08.08 ::.

Surrender is an Option

By Eric Szulczewski

Oh, dear God…you know what? I give up.

No, not this column, no matter how much some of you want that. I give up trying to write about the 2008 election.

The reason I didn’t crank out something last week was due to intense stomach pains. They started on Saturday morning the moment I saw the words “Joe Biden”. It’s been over a week, and I’m still shaking my head. Is Obama serious? Joe Biden? The guy who totally flushed his presidential-run momentum down the toilet by plagiarizing a speech from, of all people, Neil Kinnock? Is this how Obama reacted to the criticism about experience, bringing Joe Biden on to the ticket? Now, Hitlary’s statement about who you want answering the phone at three in the morning at the White House has moved into stark clarity. This was a move made from pure panic, nothing more. It silenced one area of criticism, and opened up about a dozen more. Karl Rove calling him a “big blowhard doofus” puts me in a bind: I now actually have to agree with something Rove said.

I didn’t watch one moment of the DNC. I couldn’t, not after that. Honestly, if I want to see my guys continually shoot themselves in the foot through bad decisions, inability to admit mistakes, and outright mule-headedness, I’ll watch a Bears game.

My candidate, as I said many times on this site, was Hitlary, purely from practical considerations. I know Obama. I knew how much of his idealism would be ditched in the name of pragmatism and party unity. When JJ was going rhapsodic about Obama, I told him that I’ve seen this before. 1972. George McGovern got into the same position that Obama was in by playing to the idealistic primary voters in the Democratic Party, then once he got the nomination, realized that he had to make compromises to appeal to the Powers That Be in the party, both to reestablish a modicum of peace in the party and to try to remove the perceived stigma of being a hard leftist. His veep choice was part of that. Unfortunately, McGoo chose Tom Eagleton, who’d hidden his alcoholism and ECT experiences from the press, and not very well. We all know what happened when that got revealed. That won’t happen to Obama, because Biden already has his stupidity on public record.

So, was there an opening? Could I reach into the darkest recesses of an already-dark soul and consider voting for McCain? I have said before that the only way I could consider voting for a Republican was if the Republican in question was McCain. And I have to admit, a spark flared when I saw the words “McCain chooses Palin”. It then vanished a fraction of a second later when I realized that Michael Palin wasn’t eligible to hold that office. But in an election like this, the only way anything would make any sort of sense would be to place it in a context in which an ex-Python would flourish: the absurd.

Well, if Biden was a sick joke, Palin is Dead Baby Comedy, which is ironic considering her stand on abortion. If McCain wanted to pick a woman in order to attract Hitlary voters, he sure as hell didn’t pick the right one. You see, John, there are these things called “issues”. Hitlary voters didn’t vote for her because she has a vagina. There’s the fact that Hitlary has a well-documented stand on social issues that appeal to these voters, and an equally-well-documented trail of leadership, both in the Senate and in the White House (we all know who was running the country between 1993 and 2001). Sarah Palin’s stand on social issues…well, let’s just say it doesn’t appeal to the average Hitlary voter, of which I am one, despite the lack of vagina. As for leadership, the first-term governor of a minor state does not make a case for that. A first-term senator from a major state has more leadership experience, right?

Appeal to youth? Two things, really: first of all, McCain’s medical history makes it abundantly clear that he’s got about a 20% chance of surviving his first term. Yes, his veep is youthful. But does anyone, including hard-core GOPers, see her as president? She’s as lightweight as British toilet paper. James Carville didn’t even have to try when he ripped her to shreds on Larry King. It’s still nice of him to do it (any appearance of Carville is welcome), but it’s definitely a case of getting rid of your termite problem by burning down the house.

It’s not the female thing, at least with me. As much as I loathe Thatcher, she had four years of experience as leader of the opposition before becoming PM. Ditto with Merkel, who’s proving to be more centrist than I thought she’d be; intelligent pragmatism would be lost on someone like Palin. Benazir Bhutto and Indira Gandhi were capable dynasts in a part of the world that still takes that principle seriously. Ellen Johnson-Shirleaf is an experienced technocrat who’s a bit over her head trying to restore peace and something resembling prosperity to a country that’s so war-ravaged that it’s almost impossible to fix, but she has a moral gravitas and sense of mission. What does Sarah Palin stand for, other than the discredited policies of the Right? This stuff has to be considered given McCain’s health. There’s a far, far greater chance that she’s going to land up in the big chair than Biden. And it scares me.

Of course, I am getting some serious enjoyment over the fact that her seventeen-year-old unmarried daughter is about to make her a rather young grandma. The evangelicals are spazzing around like a kid with ADHD, and that’s always amusing to watch. Some of them are going to vote Obama now that their social values have been oh, so blighted. Some of them are turning total hypocrite, pulling a Chris Crocker and screaming “LEAVE SARAH ALONE!”, not willing to face reality and realize that birth control and/or abortion could have taken care of this issue before it became one. And the rest of them are ticked off because when this happens in their family, it’s usually a relative doing the impregnating and therefore it’s nobody else’s business.

GOP insiders are pissed about this. They’ve just had one of their old reliable fangs removed. You’re not going to get any more hypothetical questions about abortion and birth control during this campaign, not after this. The fang was almost out after that moron Rick Warren got finessed by Obama in regard to when life begins; now the dentition is complete. The GOP can’t do a repeat of 2004 and swing the election on social conservativism.

This puts an interesting question on the table: McCain said he knew about the pregnancy before selecting Palin. Could this have been a positive factor in that choice? Is McCain using this situation to de-ball the Religious Reich once and for all? He’s had a mad-on for them since 2000, when Dubbaya and Rove used them to destroy McCain in South Carolina. I’ve always believed that McCain had a well-hidden fragment of Nixon in him, and now it’s coming out. This could be the only interesting thing about the next two months: how far will McCain go?

But it isn’t interesting enough for me to keep writing about it. The 2008 campaign has turned into a sick joke, and I can’t laugh about it anymore. Nor can I entertain. My idol Hunter Thompson faced the same dilemma in 1976. He was able to use the rage of 1968 and the apocalyptic portents of 1972 to his advantage, but 1976 gave him nothing to work with, especially after he fell in love with Nobel Peace Prize Laureate Jimmy Carter (I love saying that to piss people off). The sense of mission I had in 2000 and the need for justice of 2004 aren’t there this time for me. The events of the last week and a half have turned the next two months from mere ennui into a death march. US Politics has turned into something that Feydeau would consider too absurd to use.

I’m going to walk into the booth on November 4th and vote for Obama. But I’m going to walk out of there with the same feeling I had in 1984 voting for Mondale and 1988 voting for Dukakis. I never wanted to feel that way again in my life.

John McCain Secures Nomination

By Matthew Michaels

It’s official: following a snarky-yet-fairly-entertaining speech from Rudy Guiliani and strong speech from VP nominee/Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, the Republican Party’s delegates have voted, and John Sydney McCain III has secured the GOP nomination for President of the United States. One more big speech tomorrow, then the countdown to the first debate on September 26…

Dustinland - Peedom Isn’t Free (In Yankee Stadium)

By Dustin Glick

When a friend of mine first emailed me about the events inspiring this week’s Dustinland, I didn’t think I’d be hearing about them later on the evening news. But it became a big story pretty quickly, and people I know out in California have heard all about it. So I may not be breaking any news to a lot of you, but I still think it’s worth discussing — especially in light of the NYPD’s accusations. Man, this dude is the last guy on Earth who is going to be standing on his chair at a Yankee’s game, being a drunk, obnoxious tool. But it’s no surprise they lied about what happened. Once the cops came back from tossing out my friend, his buddy overheard one of them telling a fan that he was “cursing and saying this country sucks.” Not that it matters if he said the country sucks or not — that should still be legal — but it just goes to show you that these cops were already making up stories to cover their asses before 10 minutes had gone by. Man, I bet McNulty wouldn’t have pulled that kinda crap.

.:: Dustinland 09.01.08 ::.

John McCain Picks… Sarah Palin?

By Matthew Michaels

In a bold move, John McCain has selected Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running-mate. (Updated with video from the announcement.)

The 44-year old governor of the 49th state, Palin is relatively unknown, but being painted as a very traditionally-conservative VP choice, with a McCain-esque maverick bent, and was apparently called Sarah Barracuda when she led her Wasilla high school basketball team to a championship.

So it’s set: Joe-Bama vs. … Jon-Rah (pronounced genre)? Looks liks business is about to pick up.

History is Made: Barack Obama Secures Nomination

By Matthew Michaels

Regardless of your political ideals, it’s pretty f’n cool that one of the two major parties in the Unisted States has FINALLY (and now, officially) nominated a Black presidential candidate. Oh, and he secured the nomination when his opponent — a WOMAN — asked for the roll call to halt in favor of an acclimation vote on the convention floor. All the day after the 88th anniversary of women’s suffrage and on the eve of the 45th anniversary of Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech…
…read full article…

Dustinland - The Other Side

By Dustin Glick

Regarding this week’s Dustinland: You know, at the end of Office Space, the main dude from the movie solves his office worker blues by trading a white collar for a blue one and becoming a construction worker. I always thought that was a complete BS ending. Blue collar jobs suck just as much as white collar jobs — just for different reasons. At the end of the day, we’ve all had times when we’ve seen someone with a job that’s the complete opposite of ours and thought, man, I’d be happy doing that instead of this crap. Investment bankers get jealous of teachers, guys in bands get jealous of lawyers — everyone sees that other route as the way to happiness when their own road is going the wrong way. What’s the answer? Who knows? It’s different for everyone. Unless you win the lotto. That seems to work all around.

.:: Dustinland 08.25.08 ::.

Joe-Bama?

By Matthew Michaels

Barack Obama has selected his running-mate, which he announced just after 3am ET this morning (updated with video from the announcement)…

Joe Biden, the Democratic Senator from Delaware, will be campaigning side-by-side with Obama leading into the November 4 election.

Next up: this week’s Democratic National Convention in Denver, CO.

Dustinland - The Music Nerd’s Burden

By Dustin Glick

Hey, don’t get me wrong with this week’s Dustinland: music is my life. I love it, I obsess over it, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. However, sometimes it does seem like it would be way easier for either everyone else to have a moderate degree of good taste, or for me to just be a musical dumbass. Hey, it’s not just the obvious places. Sure, there’s terrible music playing in way more than half the bars in New York City every night — you can usually tell before you even walk in if the music is going to suck or not. But why must there be horrible music everywhere? Restaurants, laundromats, neighboring cubicles, passing cars, bakeries, movie theaters, sports arenas, elevators… it never ends. And if you must play horrible music, play it at a reasonable volume at least. If we’re not at a bar or club, there is no reason I should be assaulted by loud, crappy music. Especially when it’s not even appropriate to the venue. I’m sitting at a traditional Thai restaurant. Why am I listening to Bon Jovi? WHY? Oh to be an idiot and love the Billboard Top 100. It would be so much easier.

UPDATE: For comments on the reaction to this strip, click here.

.:: Dustinland 08.18.08 ::.

Dustinland - Olympic Trials

By Dustin Glick

All week long I was planning on making this week’s Dustinland a big long rant against the Olympics being held in China. I wasn’t going to watch any of it either — as a protest. Well, I talked to some people and thought about it some more and, well, you see where I ended up. I still think it’s pretty messed up that the games are being held in China, but hey, I guess they’re not that much more messed up than we are. Man, it’s a sad world. We’ve got the whole world celebrating a fascist nation, Russia just started an oil war in Georgia, and we’re still fighting one in Iraq. But hey, go Michael Phelps! Go Redeem Team! Let’s just focus on the gold and forget about all that bad stuff and all those dead Tibetans. Things will be fine. Just fine.

.:: Dustinland 08.11.08 ::.

Dustinland - Lonely

By Dustin Glick

I originally intended this week’s Dustinland to be purely something to cheer up depressed single folk. Whether you were just dumped, you’re in a huge drought, you love someone who doesn’t love you, or you’re just feeling down and out about yourself and your future prospects — that lonely, hopeless feeling is something everyone has felt at some point. But then I thought about it some more and didn’t want my strip to come out like some preachy cliché, even though it’s almost impossible to avoid clichés when covering this subject. So I mixed it up a little, especially with that 6th panel, which could strike people the wrong way. In fact, I could see people being mean and just forwarding around the first six panels, just to make people cry. So don’t do that! Because in the end I want this strip to make people laugh. Happy single people, sad single people, people in relationships — everyone. And if it cheers you up a bit, then even better.

.:: Dustinland 08.04.08 ::.

Review: Matusalem Rum

By widro

A wonderful perk of working here at Inside Pulse is the rare opportunity to sample new products. One such product is Matusalem Rum, a bottle of which I was recently sent to sample.

One word: fantastic!
…read full article…

As If It Matters 2008: Gun Control

By Thomas Daniels

McCain: John McCain believes that the right of law abiding citizens to keep and bear arms is a fundamental, individual Constitutional right that we have a sacred duty to protect. We have a responsibility to ensure that criminals who violate the law are prosecuted to the fullest, rather than restricting the rights of law abiding citizens.

Obama: Obama also favors commonsense measures that respect the Second Amendment rights of gun owners, while keeping guns away from children and from criminals who shouldn’t have them. He supports closing the gun show loophole and making guns in this country childproof. He also supports making the expired federal Assault Weapons Ban permanent, as such weapons belong on foreign battlefields and not on our streets.

This was addressed a bit in a previous post.

As my personal stance on guns is pretty much summed up, in its entirety, in the blurb from McCain’s site — this doesn’t look good for Obama. I’d be willing to listen to a fuller explanation of Obama’s position but, unsurprisingly, you can’t really find it on his campaign site. Because of that, I had to check out his voting record and quotes.
…read full article…